INTERNETKRANT IN ENGLISH

		      Monuesnesursiday, 1 August 31


	   Compiled by Sjaap Sichermeer, Sjoop Sichermond, Sjohan
	   Sichermolen, Sjhenk Sichermuis, and Sjfrits Sichermop.

This is the first edition of the experimental InterNetKrant in English.  It
is so complete and thorough that no more editions should ever be necessary.


	     PARALYZING STRIKE CONTINUES TO PARALYZE INDUSTRY

After 68 weeks the paralyzing strike of the poodle groomers shows no signs
of being resolved.  The government would like to take action, but her (haar)
feeble attempts at reconciliation have been paralyzed.  In the stylish Tweed
Room (Tweede Kamer), representative Poedelzak (PvdA) accused representative
Schrampoedel (CDA) of paralyzing representative De Poedelaar (VVD)'s demands
for an inquiry.  Schrampoedel denied that De Poedelaar had demanded an inquiry,
and called for an inquiry.  De Poedelaar attempted to paralyze Schrampoedel's
demand for an inquiry but was paralyzed by Poedelzak.  Observers expect the
government to fall tomorrow.


	        BIG PROTEST OVER NUCLEAR POWER SCANDAL

Yesterday a crowd of over 500 working mothers gathered in Douwe Egbert
Square in Zutphen to protest the recent announcement that Subminister of
Nuclear Power Plants Sj. van Mutant has been misappropriating funds raised
to alleviate severe budget shortages by selling plutonium to narcotics
dealers.  The plutonium is sold below cost, but funds are raised by
imposing a special value-added tax of 85%.  Van Mutant has been keeping
the money for himself because of severe shortages in his own budget.  Two
protesters were arrested for selling plutonium to underage narcotics
addicts, and a police sergeant who was knocked down by an 84-year old
man on a baked bicycle (bakfiets) was treated at Bildad Melanogaster
Memorial Sicherhouse (Ziekenhuis) and later released.


		   AID TO STARVING BOSNIANS FAILS

The provisional government of Bosnia has sent back to the Netherlands 5.6
(or 5,6) metric tons (or tonnes) of canned (or tinned) hopscotch (hutspot) 
intended for starving Bosnians, saying that Bosnians desperately need
food and medical supplies but not in return for serving as a disposal site
for Western Europe's toxic wastes.  Dutch charitable societies have
petitioned the World Court to appoint an arbitrator--preferably not the
same one who ruled against Portugal in a similar case involving bacalhau.


			       BRIEFS

The province of Limburg has officially declined King Albert's invitation
to join Belgium.  North Brabant has not yet reached a decision, but neither
has it received any invitation.

The first test of the new high-speed railway between Baarn and Sneek 
attained an average speed of 26 miles (kilometers) per hour (uur) because
of a cow lying on the track.  Further tests have been postponed while a
committee is appointed to study the problem.

Feyax's 5-2 victory over Ajanoord was reversed by league officials on the
grounds that Feyax's center, Roel Dijkstra, was ineligible to play, being
a character from a comic book.  "We must preserve the integrity of the
game," stated league president Donald Duck.


				TODAY

If one dollar is worth one guilder plus 50 yen, and two guilders are worth
one dollar plus 4 yen, how much is a dollar worth in guilders?

Moderately heavy rain this morning, becoming moderately light, with intervals
of fog and more rain.  Cloudy this afternoon, becoming sunny by midnight.
High 21 degrees Fahrenheit (Celsius).  Low 22 degrees Celsius (Fahrenheit).



INTERNETKRANT IN ENGLISH is published by Sichermaniac Communications Inc.
Send questions, contributions, etc., to:  Col. G. L. Sicherman, Box 666,
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