The Marine Wolverine

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In 1975, the Marine Wolverine was an endangered species. Only an estimated 8,365 of them remained off the Gulf Coast of Florida. By 1981 this number had fallen even further, to 8,227.

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Orrf! orrf!

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No one cares more than GO CHEMICAL about endangered species. We immediately called in the World's Greatest Oceanologist, Dr. Bildad Melanogaster, head of the prestigious Oceanological Resources Research Foundation (ORRF). Dr. Melanogaster and his team of qualified researchers soon discovered that the Marine Wolverines were being eaten by a tiny coelenterate, the Purple Pimple Polyp. While the Marine Wolverines were sleeping, these strange animals or plants would creep up on them and bite off their fins, rendering them helpless.

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Bleep! bleep! orrf! bleep! orrf!

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In 1984, GO CHEMICAL responded by building a mammoth turpentine factory on the Gulf Coast, pumping more than 8,365 tons of resinous discharge a month into the blue waters of the Gulf of Mexico. The results were dramatic. As the polyps died wretched, agonized deaths, the Marine Wolverine began its long, slow recovery. By 2001, the Marine Wolverine population had risen to 79,816 …

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Orrf! orrf! orrf! orrf! orrf! orrf! orrf!

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… and swimmer fatalities were up 8,227 percent.

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Ow! yeow! yaah! auggggh! glug!

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GO CHEMICAL . . . helping to maintain the Balance of Nature.